Some wounds are too deep...

Once again I was left bawling in my car while hands were held up high trying to feel the physical presence from my father..

My father...

Isn't that really what it is all about? Listening to my daily devotion a young girl in her twenties was talking about her dad. Actually a lot of girls were discussing all of their uniquely different relationships with their fathers. Some were amazing and heartfelt memories and others were empty and vacant.

Vacant. Empty. Mean...Description of my fathers...

One story ripped my heart out and tore my soul along with it.

When she was 6, a girl remembered a car trip with her family. Mom and dad in front while her and brother in back. She placed her pink colored toes on the console separating her parents. At a stop sign her dad turned around, looked at her, placed his rough calloused hand on her foot, and said,

"that is the most beautiful foot I have ever seen."

She danced around the whole rest of the day and never wanted to change that pink polish. Her dad was a distant dad so that one moment of tenderness meant everything to her. Meant the world when she was six and still did at twenty-three.

I don't have one of those moments. Not from my real father or step-father. The vacancy lingers inside of me. I think all of those crazy mysterious deep hidden insecurities linger still because I didn't have a tender moment. Sometimes Philly takes the wrath of it because if they failed me then so can he. Right?

So there I am eyes drenched and hands raised.

"Why my God?"

Why didn't I get that? Why didn't I get someone to tuck me in every night and to tickle me every morning? Why didn't I get words of encouragement and strong words of punishment when it was rightfully needed? Where is my sweet words about my beautiful feet???

Then....

and then...

Here He is.

"My child..my dear child. I AM YOUR FATHER. I tucked you in every night and tickled you every morning so you would wake those dreary eyes. I encouraged you every moment that it would get better and that you deserved better. I punished you so many times for trying to be larger than life and trying to be independent of my love. You always needed me and I was ALWAYS there.

p.s. I love your eyes when they shine with happiness, when they tear to fill up like the deep blue ocean and I adore your beautiful feet."

Some wounds are too deep....

too deep to shovel out all by your little self. My Father can remove anything though.

All insecurities...all emptiness...all vacancies...

and my Father can fill up those holes and allows His grace and love for me to blossom instead.

What an amazing Father that I have had all alone.

" He will call out to me, 'You are my Father,

my God, the Rock my Savior.'"

Psalm 89:26

"I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father's house,still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, "Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live."

Proverbs 4:2-4

God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers....