The hardest thing for me as a mom up to this point was when I was trying to break Nickolas from his pacifier. I tried at 2 1/2 years and it was a rough weekend. After the 3rd day I remember Nickolas getting very sick and all I wanted was for him to sleep so of course I got the pacifier (that was suppose to have been lost) and stuck it right back in his mouth. I made him suffer and be broken hearted for 3 days to only give in when I needed my selfish desires to be met. We tried again at the age of 3 and it was just as hard but I didn't give in and we finally kicked the habit. Those 3 days were so extremely emotional though because like every parent knows; kids get attached very easily. Nickolas not being able to soothe his addiction was so heart breaking.
Now you would think I would be one of those people who learns from my mistakes. However once Jocie was born I stuck her "Na Na" right in her mouth and never looked back. Her need for it was never as strong as Nickolas' was but she still demanded it every nap time and at night.
Last weekend Jocie just floored me. She woke up with that big beautiful grin and said, "Carry me out of the crib mommy." As soon as her feet hit the floor she turned around to look at me. She popped that na na out of her mouth and said, "Mommy this na na is so yucky. I am a big girl now and I don't need it anymore!" She then proceeded to the trash can where she threw it without hesitation. I couldn't believe it. Of course cynical me thought surely when nap time comes around she will be singing a different tune. Um negative. She never talked about it again. For the next week I was sure every night there would be a cry out for it. One night she started hollering for me but then only asked for a cookie. When I said no she just rolled right over.
So I guess today was the actual day I gave up her na na since I officially threw them all away this afternoon. If only I could do that with chocolate.
How funny and how different my two children are. How funny and how different we all are. Some people have such an amazing strength and can easily recognize their addictions while the rest of US agonize day after day over things we know aren't good for us.
I can only imagine our Father in Heaven looking down on us while we debate on how to get rid of our addictions that are not good for us. "Just throw it in the trash my child."
It is so hard to admit things we have become fanatic over and so much harder to let them go. At some point you have to start recognizing what obstacles are keeping you from being a better Christian. There is a difference between sneaking some chocolate once a day compared to lying and unfaithfulness. The more dependent you become on your sins the less dependent you are on God.
"Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God."
Isaiah 50:10
So what are my little obsessions? Well there is the big fat one of gossiping. I have a hard time taming my tongue. Even though I think of myself as a truly empathetic person I still will talk about someone in a heartbeat. I try so hard each morning to be like Jocie and just throw it away. "This isn't good for me and I need to move on." By 11 a.m. I am gossiping to my co-worker about what my last customer just told me about her husband. Tisk tisk tisk.
I don't have that inner strength that others seem to have. However I do have God. I have His Word that I am trying so very hard to look at every time I have a moment to open the Bible. Through the readings of scripture and the guiding force of the Holy Spirit I am able to fight away those temptations that deteriorate me as a Christian. I am able to be strong and not be dependent on those sins to get me through the day. I gain more empathy and more respect for those around me. At night time I breathe a sigh of relief as I symbolically take out the trash. It is full of my little addictions that hindered me all day.
God's Word gives us stability and fortitude to keep going while leaving our compulsions behind.I am a better person when I give the Lord my all instead of when I try to battle the day without Him.
So what do you need to throw away at this very moment? Is it idolatry, greed, or coveting? Please my friend LET IT GO!!! Is it really worth living days and nights in an endless hell just so you can keep stealing things that will never truthfully belong to you? Isn't the guilt of your compulsions bearing enough weight on you? It is time to let it go and let the TRUTH set you free.
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
James 4:1-3
God bless to all of my faithful followers and friends.
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