The First Reading...

I know that it has been almost a week passing of Christmas by now but I sincerely hope that you haven't already thrown out the true meaning of the season along with the empty toy boxes and shredded Christmas wrap. This was just a wonderful Christmas for me. To witness two precious beings astonished by the sight of all the toys Santa left them. To hear Nickolas say over and over, "Oh my gosh Santa loves me". Then the repetitiveness of Jocie with her quiet voice saying nothing but "WOW". It was nothing less than awesome. My Christmas' growing up were nothing like that at all. Not to tell a sappy story but we just didn't celebrate it. We always had a small two ft. tree that sat on top of our tv. My mom would be so excited about my gifts that she would let me open them way before the actual day. There was no way she could convince me that Santa came to visit my trailer. The day never ceased to end with a drunk fest from my step-dad. Jesus was never a topic of conversation in our house. The only good Christmas' were when we would go visit family in Alabama. My step-dad would stay at his parents house and I would always stay at my Granny's home. For those few days it would be great. A big tree with lots of gifts and a sense of peace. The year of 1990 was a big year for me. I started freshman year in high school which is traumatic for any girl. I had to start coming up with really great reasons to my friends why they couldn't come over and better reasons to my mom why I couldn't stay home. This was also the year of the Persian Gulf War which my dad was in. My dad and I weren't extremely close but I always dreamed he would finally realize how much he loved me and come rescue me. Earlier in the fall his naval ship was hit by a bomb in the Gulf. Just one more thing for me to worry about. We went to Alabama a couple of days before Christmas and I remember visiting my other grandmother (my dad's mother). She was very somber and told me she had just been informed that dad was in a helicopter coming from training when the helicopter crashed. I have no recollection of what I felt or the time in between but soon there after she got another call saying he decided to stay behind and luckily was okay. I don't remember feeling relieved for him or happy just hopeful that there was still a chance that one day he would come save me. Selfish I know but it was all I had. On Christmas Eve I hid in granny's bedroom and just bawled. I was drowning out the sounds of other people in the house and frustrated that nobody was checking on me. Probably crying over everything that had just happened and wanting so badly to just be somewhere else.
I had never went to church and never had been told about God. Yet my loving Father was with me my whole life. I always looked up when I was scared, I always whimpered "please help" when I was frightened. I know there were times when I even clutched my hands together but too scared to make a sound. I don't know if I thought of him as an invisible friend but surely at the age of 14, I knew it was something more powerful. Someone was comforting me my whole life and at that very moment someone was drying my tears. Then He nudged me over to the bedside table where my great grandmother's bible was. "Read it." I read all of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John that night. It was the first time I had ever opened or read a bible. I didn't understand why some words were in red. I didn't grasp at the time but the Holy Spirit chose red to represent the blood from my Savior's hands. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I suddenly realized my present wasn't close to the pain of Jesus' past. Then I did the strangest thing. I don't know whether I saw it on tv in years past or got the idea from the scriptures, but I went to the sink and splashed water on my face. It was my symbolic was to say, "Finally I am yours."
Years later I got officially baptized next to Phillip. He did it in re-dedication to God and commitment to me. While I for the first time was immersed completely in the glory of God. Years later my granny gave me that bible. I know she didn't know the significance it had for me but it literally saved my life. She is now in a nursing home and I take it with me every time I visit. I read her the same four gospels hoping they will save her the same way they saved me. The only time I read that bible for my own opportunity is on Christmas Eve in the solitude of my bedroom. It is just a nice way to end every year. Reading God's word and once again rededicating my life to Him. Eighteen years later I am amazed at how impactful it still is and how fresh old wounds can be. The great thing is I know longer have to hope for an earthly father to come save me from my home. Now I just wait for my Heavenly Father to come bring me home. Hallelujah! Merry Christmas to you all once again. God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers.
Psalm 40:10-11
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
May your love and your truth always protect me.

The Sweetest Reminder...

When Phillip and I starting dating way back in the ice ages I was so in love. I can't even express how in love I was. Full on smitten with my new honey. Everyone always told me that he had fallen too because of his new and chirpy attitude. The first gift from him is one I will never forget. We had only been dating for a little less than two months but on our first Valentine's he showed up at my job with a dozen red roses and a card. Now the flowers were great and over time Phillip learned that I preferred yellow ones. The card sealed the deal though. I couldn't even tell you what the card said but he endorsed it with "I Love You". Not a big deal to some but for me it was astonishing. I never had words written down on paper like that. Words I could actually believe in because they were coming from someone who I had complete faith in. As time passed I would kid him about his growing affection by the way he would sign each card. My first birthday with him was "I love you very much". Our first Christmas was "I love you more and more". I soon began to tease him about how many times he could fit more or much in a sentence. So this has helped develop our most favorite tradition for every holiday and that is exchanging of the cards. No gift, flower, or diamond has as much value as our cards. Now the card must be truly representative of how we feel, (trust Hallmark for that one), but our words written after should bring us to tears. It has become a competition now to see who gets teary eyed first. Phillip always wins because I am usually gushing tears by the third sentence. They have pretty much become letters now but it is such a sweet reminder to read how someone truly feels about you. Just a simple expression that makes you feel valued, loved, needed, desired, and important. Seriously Phillip could have gotten me a big diamond ring but if he didn't have that card I treasure so much then I would wonder what was going on? I love reading how much he treasures me as a wife and adores me as a mom. It is like a big caffeine boost to my heart when I start to doubt myself so much.
You know as this year comes to an end, I'd like to say I learned a lot about myself and a lot about my God. No expression is more powerful from God than His word. My beloved do you realize right at this very moment there is a letter, a novel, a book of poetry laying on your bedside table waiting to be opened? I find myself amazed by the words written for us about us. I am no Bible master. I can barely recite all the Books of the Bible. I have no doubt though that each word was written through the Holy Spirit. God made sure that after all this time (since our Christ's birth and Crucifixion) that there is never a day that we should forget His love for us. What a simple way to feel valued, loved, needed, desired, and important. Every time I read His message I feel exactly as I did the day when I got my first card from Phillip. You see it took along time for me to belief in someone or something. To read Phillip's words of devotion to me gave me hope. To read my Father's words gives me assurance. Assurance of an everlasting love that will never go away. I hope you allow yourself to be adored like that. You are so worth the attention and the adoration. Just open up the Bible and read His message of love to you. He can answer any question and erase any doubt. God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers.
John 1:1-3
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
In him was life, and that life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

God how do you do it?

Today I am afraid isn't a great grace moment. Just a really frustrated moment. The saying "When it rains, it pours" is applying to me this week. Nothing major going on but just a lot of little things. Kind of like a small mountain made up of a tiny little rocks. Everybody seems to be adding more to the pile and it is becoming increasingly harder to pick up or hold on to. My two biggest flaws in the world is my humility and my patience. The demons around me yesterday were attacking my patience so much that it almost felt like they were poking me with their pitchforks all over. I felt like all I did yesterday was scream. The most depressing part was the only two people in earshot were my kids. Jocelyn was sick again and this has been an on going struggle ever since she has gone back to daycare. She milks her sickness like no other. Not that I doubt she is in pain but she will make sure you know it constantly. Poor little Nickolas was left to defend for himself most of the day. He also knew that the only way he was going to get mommy's attention was to of course do things that were uncharacteristic for him. Uncharacteristic equals really bad things. Of course the poking started every time and I was yelling again. Every time I heard "mommy", I felt a tingle slowly rising up through my body and exiting my mouth with a "WHAT???" or "Oh My Gosh." Don't worry if you are thinking I sound like a horrible mommy because I am already well aware of it. A day later when clarity hits me I always realize what I have done so wrong. It also amazes me how much of a hypocrite I am. Every time I knew I was acting mean or bothered by my own children, I would secretly cry out "God help me". Now seriously what is the difference between me needing my God and my children needing me? Absolutely nothing. Yet when I call on my Father to help me, I don't get a glaring look back. I don't' get a snide remark that leaves me feeling worthless or unloved. I want to cry reading this right now because I can't believe how many times I fail my kids but my Father never fails me. They say you lead by example but obviously I am not paying too much attention to my Leader. This morning I was just brought to me knees. Whether it is now the large mountain of rocks I am carrying, or the realization that I failed as a parent for a whole day I can't really say. I just have to be grateful that I have a Savior who loves me unconditionally and never takes my pleading or need for Him for granted. He loves me so much that he doesn't shh me during a prayer. Thankfully He holds me every minute of the day when I am sick and never gets tired of my calling. I would love all of you to say a simple prayer for me to help me deal with all of these "small rocks" that are being thrown at me. More importantly I would love for all of you to say a simple prayer of thanks to the One who never turns away from your voice. God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those
in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives,
so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation;
if we are comforted, it is for your comfort,
which produces in you patient endurance of the same things we suffer.
And our hope for you is firm,
because we know that just as you share in our sufferings,
so also you share in our comfort.

Mommy I think we are lost....

There is a road in a small town near me that has become my mortal enemy. They actually call this road Hwy 418 but I assure you that it is no highway. It is a two lane road that winds, turns, bends, and eventually leads you to the middle of nowhere. I have only traveled on it 3 times and all three times I have found myself completely lost. This past week I took Nickolas and Jocelyn to a parade. It was only a few minutes from their daycare and I thought it would be fun to surprise them with it. They did indeed have fun and they each waved to Santa Claus as their eyes lit up with fascination. Then the dreaded traffic hit us. I was trying to turn left but the police men insisted that I turned right. Then our journey begun. I tried and tried to concentrate on when I should turn off to head home but for the third time in a row I missed it. I wish I could blame it on the kids but they were entertaining each other. After 15 minutes of driving, Nickolas clued in on what I was thinking. "Mommy I think we are lost." How does a 3 year old know that we are lost when all he can see outside is darkness? "I know buddy but mommy will find home very soon." After 20 minutes I whipped the car around and headed back. Luckily the policeman was gone and my car was finally on the right path. About two minutes away from the house we passed a school that Nickolas recognized immediately. "Mommy we aren't lost anymore! You need to go straight and then you turn at our house. Silly mommy, you just tried to trick me. I know where we are." Of course my frustration turned into a happy moment. Once again a child's eyes see so much clearly than mine. I trick myself so many times during the day to make myself lost or confused about my direction in life. I constantly give into desires or temptations that I know will lead me down a path of destruction. Just like Nickolas knew that the school was his point of direction, we too as Christians can fix our eyes on a guided light. That of course is the light radiating from our Messiah. Keeping our heart set on the Word and the Spirit will never lead us astray. I pray for you and for me that we don't lose sight of Christ during this Christmas season. You might still get lost on that crazy Hwy 418, but at least you will still have directions to Heaven. God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers.
Jeremiah 50:5-7
They will ask the way to Zion and turn their faces toward it.
They will come and bind themselves to the LORD in an everlasting covenant
that will not be forgotten.
"My people have been lost sheep; their shepherds have led them astray
and caused them to roam on the mountains.
They wandered over mountain and hill and forgot their own resting place.
Whoever found them devoured them;
their enemies said, 'We are not guilty, for they sinned against the LORD,
their true pasture, the LORD, the hope of their fathers.'

AskJesus.Com

Do you ever have days when you are so bogged down with worry and questions? That is me today. I never understand how I can have a day of full faith in the Lord and then wake up the next morning and feel uncertain about things to come. Whether it be financial, family, friends, or other different concerns, I just want an answer directly from God so I know I have the truth. Have you ever had one of those black balls you ask a question too, shake, and then turn it over for an answer? Too bad you can't buy those that are filled with God's will for us. I think about how you can log onto the computer and search for anything. You can just go to ask.jeeves and they will answer any question. How cool would it be if we could just go to ask.Jesus.com.? Now I have to admit I am stealing this idea from my pastor. He is preaching sermons on this theory but it is so intriguing to me. What would you ask and how many times a day would ask things? Knowing me and my lack of faith it would probably be at least 20 things a day. I also ponder how materialistic our questions would be? Will I get that raise in January? Should I buy that new house? Will we ever get out of debt? Does he really love me? Will she ever cheat on me? I can see the list going on and on? Whatever hair God does have, he will assuredly pull it all out.
But did you know that we actually have a Jesus.com that so many people rarely use? Yes my friends it is the Bible. See our God isn't in "Predicting The Future" business. His only concern is your relationship with Him and how you live your daily life according to His commandments. He just wants you to abide by His word so all of His mercy and grace can overflow in our lives. All the answers we ever need are spread throughout many many pages. I know for me that if I spent as much time searching the Bible as I did the internet I would not have a mountain of doubt weighing me down. God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers.
Amos 8:11-12
"The days are coming," declares the Sovereign LORD,
"when I will send a famine through the land—
not a famine of food or a thirst for water,
but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.
Men will stagger from sea to sea
and wander from north to east,
searching for the word of the LORD,
but they will not find it.

An answered prayer....

Well once again our God simply amazes me and makes me in awe of His grace. I left work yesterday to run a couple of errands and of course one was to buy diapers. That is a weekly duty. On my way out of the store I noticed a couple that comes into the bank on a daily basis. Roy is a 60 year old man who looks like he has lived a rough life. I have become invested in him the past week. He has frequented the bank every day waiting for some money to be deposited in his account. For the past 7 days his balance has remained at 80 cents. He and his wife came in yesterday and I noticed them with 2 babies. For the first time I really hoped (not prayed) his money would be in the bank. "Roy I am so sorry but it still isn't there." "Okay thank you ma'am." That has been the lengthy conversation we have had everyday. So here I am coming out of the grocery store wondering why it was so cold. I mean yesterday was freezing at least for this South Carolina girl. The wind was bitter, angry, and taking a lot of hostages. I notice across the parking lot Roy and his wife walking with the two kids in their strollers. These kids were 1 and 2 1/2. No covers on the stroller, no blankets, or jackets even. I sat in the car for a couple of minutes hoping (not praying) that eventually they would get in a car but they never did. I drove as fast as I could to the end of the parking lot and reached them right before they crossed the street. I got out and yelled Roy's name. He had no idea who I was but the wife realized immediately. "Let me give you guys a ride home." "Well we have two little ones and these strollers" Roy said. "Well lucky for you I have two vacant car seats and an empty trunk. Now get in." I picked the kids up and plopped them down in the seats. Their hands were freezing and I started tearing up but had to gain control of myself. Roy and his wife snuggled in the front seat and on our way we went. It was only a 7 minute drive but for them it could have easily been a 30 minute walk. Roy could only keep saying thank you. I dropped them off and honestly didn't want to let go of the kids. They were Roy's great niece and nephew and I am sure he takes care of them but I always think kids deserve better then what they get. I told Roy I would see him tomorrow and I would pray (finally) that his money would come in. So I went on with my day and enjoyed the luxury of doing thing that many can not do. I did pray though. I prayed a lot for him and his family. I prayed first thing this morning. When I got to work I checked his account and wanted to fall on my knees in gratitude to God. Roy's money finally posted to his account. I just couldn't wait until he came in. Around 10 he slumbered in like a defeated man but when he got the news I swear I saw a mountain fall from his shoulders. He told me that today was the last day he could pay his rent or they were going to be evicted. He never mentioned the ride I gave him yesterday. And that was okay because if I was seeking recognition then it wouldn't have been a worthy achievement. He did say, "you must have really prayed for me last night." More than you will ever know Roy.
I hope and wish way too many times when a prayer will suffice. Please become more invested in prayer. Not just for yourself but for those around you. What if that was the only thing God was waiting for in Roy's life? He wanted Roy to know that he was worthy of someone else's compassion. Are maybe the lesson was for me. God wanted to show me not to pass up any opportunity to pray for someone in need. I may not have had anything to do with Roy's good fortune today but who is to say it didn't either? God bless to all of my faithful friends and followers.
Acts 20:32-35
"Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.
I have not coveted anyone's silver or gold or clothing.
You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions.
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "